What goes through my mind..

I'm such a dork.. For those who don't know, I have a thing with overthinking everything and overanalyzing every situation. Unfortunaly for me. But lately I've been thinking about friendships. Both those who last long, and those you thought would last longer than you thought..

Why I'm asking this you think? Well, because I've been thinking a lot about my friendships lately. I've been thinking a lot about whom I see as true friends, and whom I would want in my future to be close to me. I have also been thinking about friendships I've had earlier, and how much I miss them. Really, I do miss them..!

Then, what is a friendship? According to the dictionary, it is "a friendly relation or intimacy", but for me, it takes different qualitys to be what you call a friend. I've decided to mention three of them. Who all are especially important to me, but maybe equally important to you.

First of all, we have trust.
Like in any relationship, there has to be trust. I feel that trust is the fundament of everything you want to continue building. Even if it's between boyfriend/girlfriend, co-workers/boss or friend-to-friend. If you can't trust a person, why even bother?

Second, is similarities.
Okey, it may sound stupid. But for me, it's something to look for in a friend. If I have nothing in common with the person I call friend, then what are we gonna break the ice with? And if you've thought about it, you always have something in common with everyone of your friends. It can be a small thing you have never maybe even thought of. Similiarities bring friends closer, and can help with this "fundament" I was talking about earlier. Your differences can come later, as long as you have your similarities.

The third, and last, is acceptance.
If you don't accept your friend, how can you be friends with that person? It's human to have differences and things you don't agree on. They will always come in your way, and maybe the biggest challenge that any frindship/relationship can face is non-agreement. That's when acceptance comes in the picture. If you learn to see past that, then you have a friend. A friend who will support you, and accept you.. Even if you mess up REAL bad.. Like I did..

Maybe it's stupid to write about this, and I may not even have found these things properly. Maybe you've even noticed that these qualities are connected in eachother in some way? Well, they are! But I don't care.. They're important to me, just like my friendships!

These past months, I feel like I've learned a lot when it comes to friendships. And right now, I can honestly say that I am at a down when it comes to it. I've fucked up friendships, not only my own but also others. And it sucks to know you're responsible for it. Sadly enough, that's how life is..

My sister says I've been really down these past months, and yeah, I have to agree. If you're asking why, I will tell you the truth. I feel lost, to be honest. Like I don't have a home, or belong to somewhere. I have one person I feel at home with, but otherwise.. I feel like a total stranger, and that freaks me out.. Even with my good friends, or people I considered as my closest friends, I feel out of place with.. And that's probably why I've been thinking so much about friendships. The strange thing is, I haven't had the courage to talk to them about it, but enough courage to write in my blog? When it comes to this, it's serious.. And I want to apologize for those whom it affects. I'm really sorry, but I just haven't had enough guts to tell anyone really.. I hope you guys can accept my sincere apology..!

I know I'm emo right now, but this is just one of lifes many down-periodes. Soon, I will probably be back on my high, riding on some cloud.. But at the moment, I feel like I just need time to find myself. Feel like I*ve lost myself somewhere along the road to this endlessness..

Again, my thoughts spilled out on my blog.. Sorry if you've read it.. Atleast, congratulations with surviving my nagging!

Speeks